


I HEARD YOUR NAME

by cromulent



Category: Evak - Fandom, SKAM (TV), Skam - Fandom
Genre: Break Up, Coffee Shop, Don't think of the skam universe, Evak - Freeform, First published work here and it's messy, M/M, SKAM, Sad, no names are mentioned but make connections, yellow curtains are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 11:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11012460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cromulent/pseuds/cromulent
Summary: i thought i needed you, but then you left me and i realized i don't.-evak break up au. no names are ever mentioned.





	I HEARD YOUR NAME

**Author's Note:**

> now, i am not a good writer, but i saw something on tumblr and i am a sadist and love when my fave characters are in pain and decided it needed to be made into an evak type of thing. now, names are never mentioned (but i think it's pretty easy to make the connections), but it it evak! AGAIN. i am not a writer. i just have some really good ideas for evak au's that no one will ever write if i don't.

I HEARD YOUR NAME

 

My heart swung and fell. Deep down to the bottom of my stomach, aching and burning a hole. Each letter of the four character name being burned with a heated metal stamp onto my skin. The non existing silence of the chatter of strangers rung in my ears. I could almost hear the blood running in my veins, rushing in my ears, and the loud pumping of my heart. The palms of my hands burned with pain. My throat constricted and closed. 

I looked up.

It wasn't you.

You left two months ago. 

Left me. 

Alone.

To crash and burn.

But I was expecting it.

How could I not? 

I let my head fall back down, staring at the grain pattern on the dirty cafe tables. I let my fingers clench back around the hot disposable cup of overpriced black coffee. She called your name out again. Each letter bouncing on her tongue.

Tongue back and lips parted, then bottom lip met top set of teeth, tongue back and lips parted again and finally, tongue touches the roof of the mouth. 

My heart stopped again. And then it sped up. And so did my breathing. I felt my mouth go dry and the corners where both lips met burn. 

But it wasn't you. 

But I wish it was you.

I'm wearing that light blue sweater you like. Or liked. 

You haven't seen me since the last time you talked to me five months ago.

It's been five months but I still send you apology texts.

__

"Sorry I couldn't keep you."

"Sorry I couldn't make you stay."

"Sorry I didn't love you enough."

"Sorry I'm not enough."

"Sorry."

 

-

 

Everyone was sat on the ugly burgundy colored couch you said we just had to get. They'd go great with the yellow curtains, you said. Everyone was laughing. Everyone was laughing and it felt like they were laughing at me. Laughing that I couldn't make you stay and that you left me in this place we used to call home together. A broken home. The place I used to call home was now a room of emptiness. Your side of the closet was empty. The top three drawers you had once folded your clothes into held nothing now, but an empty box of your favorite condoms, along with a white lighter. You also took one out of your two favorite mugs. The wall where we hung up the four mugs we owned now consisted of three.

Everyone was laughing. Everyone was laughing at the stories of good memories being told. Good memories that you have now tainted for me. Those sunny days are now cloudy. Those soft touches are now hot burns. 

You were brought up. Of course you were. You made everyone around you happy. Their bubbling laughter made my heart crash with waves of pain.

With happiness, comes sadness.

You decided to punish me.

You remembered that I don't deserve to be happy so you made me sad.

You decided you wanted me. I was happy.

Then you decided you didn't want me anymore. I was sad. 

For all those moments of happiness you gave me, you gave me days of painful, hot sadness.

I never want to be happy anymore. 

 

-

 

I went back to the same cafe. I sat in the same spot with the same order of black coffee. In the same light blue sweater you loved. And the same barista yelling out names.

This time, it was you.

My entire world stopped.

You were my entire world , though.

So I guess time just stopped. 

You always made time stop.

I watched as you walked over to the counter. Everything around me slowly drowned out. The only thing I could hear was the blood in my ears and the song being played over the speakers in the cafe. 

__

You took my love and then you left,

Called it your own. 

You took my love, of course you left. 

I should have known.

You looked so happy. Your mouth curled into that stupid smile as you tipped her. I watched your feet as you turned on your heels to leave. And then I watched you watch me watching you. I know you saw how I saw your glowing eyes. And I know you saw how you saw my lifeless eyes. 

Do I still look pretty to you? 

It's stupid, but I still try to dress the best I can for you, even though this is the first time I have seen you in months.

Maybe you remember how much you liked this sweater on me? 

Your smile dropped. 

I smiled. 

I still love you. 

I know you could see the tears in my eyes. 

I felt like throwing up. My fingers burned and so did my feet. 

I thought maybe I was still pretty to you.

But you just turned the other way and left. 

And I cried. 

Tears and snot all over the light blue sweater. 

I cried loud.

But no one said anything. I got a couple of weird stares, but this wasn't the first time I cried in this exact spot. In this exact sweater. 

"I'm sorry." I typed and sent. 

My dry lips hurt as they stretched in sobs. 

I got up and threw the coffee away. I pushed through the door you left out of. You where sitting to the right of the door. I looked away from you as quickly as I looked at you. I rushed into my car. My shaky hands trying to get the key into the ignition as quickly as I could. 

I recklessly pulled out from in between the two cars I was parked in between. I pulled onto the highway and went. And went. And went. I kept going. There was a tree. If I kept going, I could smash into the tree. 

But I remembered I was wearing the sweater you liked.

As soon as I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, I rushed up the stairs to the one that we used to share. I slammed the door open, the mugs rattling. 

I snapped.

I cried again.

I made my way to the mugs and grabbed the one you didn't take. 

I smashed it against your favorite painting that I could never bring myself around to taking down. It was a painting of a swirling orange and red sunset.

The shattering of glass and bangs against the wall made me slump to the floor. 

I hurt all over. My entire body hurt. My heart hurt. My head hurt. I could feel blood rush to my nose and that hurt, too.

I just want to sleep. 

But I want to sleep in your arms.

You hurt me, but I can never hate you. 

 

-

 

It's been nine months. 

I saw you one time on the street two months ago. I know you saw me too, but you couldn't look at me in the eyes.

Maybe you know how much you broken me. 

Or maybe someone told you.

Or maybe I'm just hard to look at. My eyes are red and puffy and bruised from the lack of sleep. I've been doing better, though. I've gotten used to the empty feeling. I've gotten used to the left side of the bed being cold. I've gotten used to only two mugs hanging on the hook. 

I put a blanket over the burgundy couch and I changed the yellow curtains to white sheer curtains. I decided I needed more sunshine in the apartment. Since you left. 

I slept with the blankets at my feet and with the windows wide open. The curtains flowing in the night wind. And I slept in the middle of the bed, too. Everything you hated. 

I changed the layout of the apartment, too. I gave all your favorite potted plants to the old lady who lives upstairs. 

I got new bed sheets too. It was nice to have something you didn't ruin. 

They told me I was different now. But I was changing out of the boy you tore apart. 

Everything was really good.

Until it wasn't. 

I could lie and say you're never in my dreams. 

"Make it stop!" I would try to shout in between my sobs when I would wake up.

No mater how much I tried to change out of the boy you tore apart, I would fall back into that boy at night after a dream. 

They took all of the pictures after you left. It's good they did, or else I'd be staring at them right now and I would've still been that boy you tore apart all the time.

 

-

 

Look at me.

Look at me, I said in my head as I walked passed you. 

Look at me. Without you. 

No more apology texts. No more blue sweaters or black coffee. The burgundy couch is still there, but I forget that it is. I took off those two extra hooks.

Look at me, god damnit! My steps are lighter than they have ever been in months. 

It took a while.

It took me an entire year and three months to get to where you were at seven months. But I did it. I can finally get a good nights rest. I've stopped dreaming about you, too.

I don't think you matter that much to me anymore. 

I said look at me! 

And you did. 

You looked at me with no expression on your face. 

I was smiling and bouncing. I was by myself. And I was happy. 

I don't need you anymore. 

 

-

 

I heard your name.

I was in a different cafe. I didn't have a sweater on this time. I didn't have black coffee in my hand, either. Instead, I drank green tea while wearing a white shirt. 

The barista called out your name and it wasn't you. 

And my heart didn't stop anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> AGAIN. i am not a writer. 
> 
> Song- Take My Love and Run by Bad Suns
> 
> Editing barley bc I'm lazy.


End file.
